Peace!
Thanks for flowing with me...
Day 5: Representative
Your representative is a mask you wear or a front you put on to keep up an image that is not you.
This summer, my younger sister introduced me to a a show that she wanted me to watch with her called Fairy Tail, a Japanese manga TV show series. I was reluctant and uninterested. She coaxed me. Still uninterested. She persuaded. Still uninterested...until there was My intuition told me "Give it a try. Be open minded."
[Deep sigh of surrender] "Ok."
Episode after episode was like popcorn, just like your favorite potato chip that you can't get enough of. Her enthusiasm pulsated in her voice "What did you think about the episode!?" Calmly, cooly "It was good." It wasn't before long after we reached a certain point in the series when I couldn't contain my excitement anymore and before long I was the one asking her if she wanted to watch another episode. We are currently on episode 79.
There is a flying cat (an Exceed) on the show named Carla and ever since her first appearance on the show she annoyed me intensely. This summer I had discovered that if someone or something is annoying you for no apparent reason, especially someone you don't know, pay attention because they are a reflection of you in someway, and they are the object of your frustration but not the source. Those feelings are experienced because deep within you believe you lack (want) something and they have it or they are a reflection of a part of yourself or experience that you have denied/avoided/resisted/neglected/haven't made peace with.
The last part applied.
Carla is very strict, serious and rarely shows emotion unless it's anger, annoyance, worry, or irritation. Carla often scolds her human companion Wendy for being shy and timid although she herself isn't sociable. The happy, easing going male flying cat on the show, Happy, has the affections of Carla and often attempts to romance her by offering her fish. She rudely declines the "tomcat" and Happy is saddened but still determined to love her.
If my past representative had a name it'd be Carla.
The tough, serious, cool, calm, collected, put together, strong woman who if she cracked a smile hid it under her palm or with a turned face. The woman appeared not to feel, a tough exterior and no sign of vulnerability. Business. Work. Little play. Sarcastic but also hurting on the inside. The hidden hurt no one but her could see. See, it wasn't Carla that annoyed me, but it was that she reminded me of my "earth stage" and all the qualities I had then that I abhorred. She was a reflection of my representative.
And I see now that what it really is that annoys me about Carla is that she denies and rejects the woman experience, is resistant and avoids feminine qualities. Rather she HIDES it behind her representative. She is not comfortable and at peace with her femininity, being vulnerable, viewing the backseat as a helpless position. She is controlling, tense, uptight, too cautious, hard on herself and other people, fussy, condescending to Happy (the male cat who loves her), see faults and focuses on that in herself and in others. She is critical and judgmental. She is also afraid and hurt. She annoys me. These are aspects of myself and my past self that I now choose to make peace with for the sake of healing and embracing my womanhood without shame, guilt, or resentment.
"Carla" needs to forgive herself.
She needs love.
Gentleness.
Patience.
Compassion
and do what brings her joy, ESPECIALLY to get to the root of her frustrations and face herself without flinching.
It's time to unveil myself.
There is no mirror mask.
I cannot hide behind the strong, in control, cool, composed façade of Carla. I must show and share my vulnerability especially with other women. My soul needs it and the soul who reads it. My sensitivities, "weaknesses" and vulnerability and transparency is are some of my strongest assets.
The jig is up.
I'm out the bag.
The boat is rocked, call me "wave and wind".
I can no longer keep my thoughts, emotions to myself.
I seek deep self discovery, to build greater understanding and connections between people, chiefly with my sisters.
Naked & Nude,
MahYah
1st Day
9.14.14
#SelfLoveSunday
flow with me ...
stop thinking what to share and share what you're thinking
Thanks for flowing with me...
Day 5: Representative
Your representative is a mask you wear or a front you put on to keep up an image that is not you.
This summer, my younger sister introduced me to a a show that she wanted me to watch with her called Fairy Tail, a Japanese manga TV show series. I was reluctant and uninterested. She coaxed me. Still uninterested. She persuaded. Still uninterested...until there was My intuition told me "Give it a try. Be open minded."
[Deep sigh of surrender] "Ok."
Episode after episode was like popcorn, just like your favorite potato chip that you can't get enough of. Her enthusiasm pulsated in her voice "What did you think about the episode!?" Calmly, cooly "It was good." It wasn't before long after we reached a certain point in the series when I couldn't contain my excitement anymore and before long I was the one asking her if she wanted to watch another episode. We are currently on episode 79.
There is a flying cat (an Exceed) on the show named Carla and ever since her first appearance on the show she annoyed me intensely. This summer I had discovered that if someone or something is annoying you for no apparent reason, especially someone you don't know, pay attention because they are a reflection of you in someway, and they are the object of your frustration but not the source. Those feelings are experienced because deep within you believe you lack (want) something and they have it or they are a reflection of a part of yourself or experience that you have denied/avoided/resisted/neglected/haven't made peace with.
The last part applied.
Carla is very strict, serious and rarely shows emotion unless it's anger, annoyance, worry, or irritation. Carla often scolds her human companion Wendy for being shy and timid although she herself isn't sociable. The happy, easing going male flying cat on the show, Happy, has the affections of Carla and often attempts to romance her by offering her fish. She rudely declines the "tomcat" and Happy is saddened but still determined to love her.
If my past representative had a name it'd be Carla.
The tough, serious, cool, calm, collected, put together, strong woman who if she cracked a smile hid it under her palm or with a turned face. The woman appeared not to feel, a tough exterior and no sign of vulnerability. Business. Work. Little play. Sarcastic but also hurting on the inside. The hidden hurt no one but her could see. See, it wasn't Carla that annoyed me, but it was that she reminded me of my "earth stage" and all the qualities I had then that I abhorred. She was a reflection of my representative.
And I see now that what it really is that annoys me about Carla is that she denies and rejects the woman experience, is resistant and avoids feminine qualities. Rather she HIDES it behind her representative. She is not comfortable and at peace with her femininity, being vulnerable, viewing the backseat as a helpless position. She is controlling, tense, uptight, too cautious, hard on herself and other people, fussy, condescending to Happy (the male cat who loves her), see faults and focuses on that in herself and in others. She is critical and judgmental. She is also afraid and hurt. She annoys me. These are aspects of myself and my past self that I now choose to make peace with for the sake of healing and embracing my womanhood without shame, guilt, or resentment.
"Carla" needs to forgive herself.
She needs love.
Gentleness.
Patience.
Compassion
and do what brings her joy, ESPECIALLY to get to the root of her frustrations and face herself without flinching.
It's time to unveil myself.
There is no mirror mask.
I cannot hide behind the strong, in control, cool, composed façade of Carla. I must show and share my vulnerability especially with other women. My soul needs it and the soul who reads it. My sensitivities, "weaknesses" and vulnerability and transparency is are some of my strongest assets.
The jig is up.
I'm out the bag.
The boat is rocked, call me "wave and wind".
I can no longer keep my thoughts, emotions to myself.
I seek deep self discovery, to build greater understanding and connections between people, chiefly with my sisters.
Naked & Nude,
MahYah
1st Day
9.14.14
#SelfLoveSunday
flow with me ...
stop thinking what to share and share what you're thinking